In many ways, re-starting regular contemplative “readings” right now is a little strange, and although the topics I am discussing are for the Collective Consciousness of Humanity as a whole, they also sing loudly for me personally. But then – I am a part of the Collective. Just as you are. More than 8 billion threads of life, each contributing to the gigantic tapestry of humanity. Imagine what that would look like from space! How beautiful it must be in its diversity. And its singularity. We must never forget that although we can often feel alone, we are just one tiny – and very essential – piece of the whole pattern.
Sometimes that aloneness can be hard. We forget that outside our own protective bubble, there are others who also feel as if they cannot see past the walls around them. We can feel hemmed in, able to see the unreachable sky, but not able to reach beyond the barriers we have allowed to grow around us.
When we feel like that, we have a choice. There is always a choice, but sometimes it is hard to see. We can sit in our field of choice, surrounded by the high walls that we have either fallen into or allowed to grow around us, or we can do the work we need to get out of that and see what is beyond. We have all the tools we need to dig ourselves out.
The person in this picture is using a sledgehammer to break through the barriers he has around him. Breaking down walls doesn’t have to be so hard if you hit it in the right place, with the right tools and the right mind-set. My personal tools are strength, resilience, belief, trust, and knowledge. I often forget that I hold these tools, especially when I get overwhelmed. Sometimes I need another person to hold me up when it gets hard and remind me that I am not alone.
We are all on a life journey and sometimes we can look ahead and wonder what lies around the next corner. Sometimes it’s enough to simply hope we get through the day; but the past is where we often focus most strongly. It is our history. It is our Story. It is what made us who we are now.
Our story has many twists and turns: some good, filled with joy and laughter and sunshine; some not so good. And how often, when we look back through our lives, is it the hard times that stand out most strongly?
What is good to recall is that without those hard times to challenge us, to encourage us to understand Self and see what makes us who we are, we would never have built the strength we need to be able to step into the unknown future.
We are here. We stand in strength and clarity precisely because of the past times we have lived through – the good times and the hard times. And it is that knowledge that helps us stand tall and proud.
Healing the past doesn’t always mean digging deep into the wounds. Sometimes it simply means accepting those wounds as part of who we are.
It is a journey that allows for the individual to seek knowledge, to experience, to learn and to grow. It is something that every being throughout the Cosmos is doing – travelling the path of life.
My life path has taken me – much like anyone else’s – on a journey that has ups and downs: mountains to climb, rivers to ford, meadows to dance through, and every now and then you reach a point where the path forward diverges. A place in your life where you are faced with a choice – do I carry forward on the path I know so well and feel comfortable travelling, even if it hurts, or do I follow a different route, seek the unknown and the possible expansion of consciousness.
Last October, when my spiritual teacher, Essence Ka tha’ras, asked me a question: Who are you without your wounds? I found myself at one of those cross-roads in life, although I was not really aware of the choices I was about the make. Choices that set me on a path into the unknown resulting in my first book “Hidden in a Dark Place”. I thought I’d answered my question in that book, but in reality, I had only peeled back the first layer of the onion.
In my research for this book, I discovered that I am not neuro-typical, I am neuro-divergent. At 67 years of age I discovered a whole list of ‘labels’ that apply to me: Autism, Aphantasia, SDAM, and a whole heap more. Many people discovering these things in later life see them as a bane to carry. I choose to see them as a gift.
At the same time as this research was occurring, I was doing deep work on Self from a spiritual perspective and I have also taken a big step forward on that journey. When I look at the new path I am following, I see that it too has its ups and downs, its mountains and valleys, but now I can see that instead of it just marching forward as my earlier path did, it meanders. I am able, on this new journey pathway, to take side trips to check things out – like studying the Tao Te Ching, reading The Holographic Universe by Michael Talbot; listening to a recording by Baba Ram Dass, or working out how to make gluten-free, sugar-free pancakes that don’t taste like sawdust. And winding through, crossing over and under the main journey of spiritual seeking, are the pathways of my neuro-divergency.
Krone Auri’An: I will always be Krone, even though my path has changed direction.
Am I a wise woman? As always, that is up to you to decide.
Right now though, I invite you to come with me on my Journey through spirituality, neuro-diversity, meditating, cloud-watching, animal messengers, fidget toys, and whatever else turns up in the sunshine and the rain of life. I will, mainly, be writing these things for me – so I do not lose the memories, as happens with SDAM – but if just one person gains information, support, joy or anything else they need in their own journey – then I see myself as truly blessed.
A few months ago, my spiritual Teacher asked me a question:
Who are you without your wounds?
Essence Ka tha’ras
The wounds she was asking about were the things that have happened in my life that have had a negative effect on me. Childhood events that have coloured my point of view of me! Trauma, PTSD and a whole gamut more!
For the past eight years, I have been working to understand me from a spiritual perspective, after all, despite two breakdowns and daily severe panic attacks, I seemed to have fallen through every crack there is when it comes to mental health care.
I’ve always felt like an alien in this world; an outsider who didn’t fully participate but simply watched and observed. Someone who only seemed able to fully BE when I stood up on a stage to teach.
And so I have been delving into the shadow work. Looking into that dark mirror and working out how to change things for the better.
Actually I have been changing things for a long time, but most of that work was simply preparation. Like seeds planted, I needed to wait until I was ready to take the deep dive – and before I could even do that, I had to know why I felt so alien in my own skin.
I think best by writing – so I wrote. And this is why I have been so quiet on this blog. I ended up writing a book about this journey which was finally published yesterday. I didn’t write it in the hope that I would sell a million copies and gain fame and fortune; I wrote it simply for me. And if anyone reads the book and gains inspiration to seek out those parts of themselves that they do not want to carry through the rest of their lives, then that is a beautiful bonus.
I discovered a lot about me and how I live in this world. I already knew that I have total multi-sensory aphantasia, but in my research I learned that I am also autistic and have Severely Deficient Autobiographical Memory (SDAM). I also have anauralia and prosopagnosia. Together, I simply call these things my ‘wonky wiring.’
If you are at all curious, you can find out more by seeking out the book on Amazon. It’s available in paperback and e-book formats.
I really do thank you for taking the time to read this, and if you found it interesting, please hit Like and Subscribe so that you don’t miss future posts.
I was thinking about Queen Elizabeth II and the news of her passing, and how I had ‘met’ her when I was a teenager. Actually, I hadn’t really met her, as in having a personal conversation or a handshake, I’d just been one in a crowd of people when she came to our town to launch a boat, but I’d been in close enough proximity to think of it as having met her.
As I was thinking of her, I was reminded of a particular client I had seen last month. My mind can make connections that probably seem rather weird to a lot of people… but, it’s how my mind works, and it jumped to an oracle card reading I’d done at our local UFO Festival. It was a strange and difficult reading, and afterwards, he told me his story. He’d been abducted by aliens.
Now, what on earth could connect the late Queen of England and some guy in Australia who believed himself abducted by aliens? The connection was actually a thought about how some meetings can just slip by and be forgotten, yet others can have a life-long profound effect on you and on your beliefs.
My belief that I’d met the Queen was an embellishment I’d chosen over 50 years ago because, at the time , I thought it gave me some status. Yes, it had some truth to it – I had been part of the crowd reasonably close around her, but it was not until a couple of days ago when I heard of her passing that I went “Hang on. Did I really meet her?” So I looked into that belief I discovered that it simply is no longer my truth.
The guy who believed he had been abducted had undergone a profound change because of his experience. It became the pivotal point in his life. Some people will scoff and think he’s off his rocker, but it is his belief and should be respected as just that. I too have had a similar experience and firmly believe that the 7 or 8 hours that I lost one summer’s day in 1980 is very connected to a sighting of what I called a massive metal Toblerone that I saw parked in a field. Some people will also think that’s nuts, and there are times when I do too, but it’s my belief that this happened although it didn’t have such a profound effect on me as that similar experience did for my client.
From there, I started to think about other experiences that I have had that completely changed my life. Many of them are of the ‘woo-woo’ variety, with the one which had the most profound effect being what I term my Initial Awakening Experience. Some folk would think that I suffered a psychotic break, and that is entirely possible from one point of view. Everything in my life around that time points to that possibility, but I believe that it was an intense spiritual experience that has driven my life forward in a way that can only be termed as positive. I found a belief that is so strong it cannot be moved and that belief has driven me to learn how to understand what makes me tick. It’s helped me overcome decades of severe pain, auto-immune disorders, and more dramas and trauma than should be allowed to fill any one life. It is the driving force behind my life and I cannot see that changing. Psychotic break or actual spiritual experience is totally irrelevant. It has brought positive change into my life and for that I feel blessed to have experienced it.
We all hold beliefs and it’s entirely probable that most of our beliefs only matter to us. Those beliefs may be spiritual in nature or based on life experiences. They may have a profound effect on your life, or they may add to the traumas that you carry. Whatever they are, they shape your world and it is a good idea to bring them out every now and then, dust them off and review them. Are they beliefs that I still need to carry around with me, or are they no longer really true and can be released? Do they affect me in a positive or a negative way? Do they encourage me to grow as a human or do they hold me back?
When did you last take a good long look at your beliefs? Not just the biggies but also the ones that have a limiting response in your life? The “I’m afraid of moths/heights/dogs/my boss” type of beliefs. Write yourself a list and then ask yourself why you hold these and is it time to change them.
A few days ago, I did some introspective work and came to the conclusion that I am in a waiting zone. I have arrived at a point in my life that I have been seeking for a very long time. A time where I can follow my own desire to begin some serious Spiritual study. But what exactly do I want to study? What in particular do I want to deeply explore? I have no idea.
I’ve actually been in this drifting mode since the start of Covid when I began to move away from social media. I used to spend hours on Face Book every day – with the International Koalition of Krones, my groups and pages and self-help courses and, as I pulled right back, I also berated myself for abandoning my media presence.
It was time to sit back and have a good look into why I needed to build a media presence and discovered that constantly sharing things with the public – even in the belief that I was helping others, was nothing more than an addiction, and my Ego. The work I want to do is for me. For my knowledge and growth – at least, initially. To do this work, I do not need to perform a song-and-dance routine for the world. I need quiet time, and this is my time of quietness.
What to study? That is the big question. In my life I have explored many things which have become passions, and almost all of which I have ended up teaching: ballet, fitness, writing, belly dancing, weaving – but I know that this time I need to dig into the knowledge desired by my soul. I know that part of my soul journey is to gain knowledge and information that I can take forward into other incarnations and not necessarily knowledge that I will teach. The imperative to begin that learning is strong, yet I am still in this waiting-zone.
Right now I am exploring Taoism – and finding it fascinating. I am learning Tai Chi. I’m also reading other great Teachers such as Neville Goddard, Manly P. Hall and Ram Dass but so far the topic that excites me and will guide me into the depth of knowledge I desire to gain, has eluded me.
I did that introspective digging into Self I mentioned earlier, to gain greater clarity of where I currently am: physically, mentally and emotionally, then I entered into meditation to seek the spiritual depths to this knowledge. In that meditation, my guides brought this forward.
Sometimes you have to drift with the winds of change.
Pushing against the storm is not productive.
Be aware of the currents.
This message tells me that drifting with the winds of change (and I am definitely within a process of change) is exactly what I need to do right now. Drift, and I should not allow frustration at being without definite direction to grow, although to be honest, currently, that frustration is very mild, and I’m rather enjoying the drifting process.
This message was also interesting because it reminded me of a very important lesson I had learned 5 years ago when it was essential that I move to a new town and I really didn’t want to. I fought hard not to go, yet it turned out the be one of the very best things in my life at that time. Sometimes you need to accept that you might be ready to change the world, but the Universe has to get things ready first.
What am I going to study? Not a clue yet. I’ll just keep cruising until it socks me between the eyes and I feel that excitement, that Knowing, that this is where I am meant to dive deep. I know that will happen. At the right time. And in the meantime I am loving discovering the wisdom and knowledge of the ancient (and not so ancient) Teachers that is there for those who wish to discover it.
I’ve always been, in many ways, a ‘physical’ person. As a child it was ballet, as an adult I became an elite athlete. That young person lived in a fantasy world of stage lights and dreams; the adult ran up mountains – just because.
The physical me was my way of hiding from the world. As a dancer, I could live in any role I chose, be recognised and applauded; as an athlete I could challenge my body in a way that I did not know how to challenge the world around me. Always, I was hiding from my true self.
In 1997, a lifetime of stress caught up with me and I became physically ill. In pain so severe I was told I would need to use a wheelchair – but that was not a life I could envisage. It was not a life where I could use my body to emotionally escape. I began the work needed to change my physical world of pain, into something far more functional.
In 2015 I was in a good place. Physically active despite still being in pain, life was good, but I still carried the emotional weight of my life. Then I found the person who was to become my Spiritual Teacher, mentor and friend – Essence Ka tha’ras. She has taught me to understand from an Energetic viewpoint, the story of my life. She taught me how to re-write that story. It’s a journey I am still on, and right now, as I write this, I am at another crux point.
One of the things Essence teaches is that you cannot separate the physical from the spiritual, and I have grown to fully embrace that Truth. I recently turned 67 years of age and the abuses of a physical past are doing their level best to catch up and remind me of each and every ache and pain. Then, an accident 4 years ago, meant my physical mobility decreased again, resulting in my questioning my future. I can choose to live comfortably, and happily as a fat, un-fit, older woman and, perhaps, pass from this life in another 10-15 years, or I can step up the work to change that, and potentially have many more years to explore this Universe – this beautiful Reality that holds so much knowledge, and mystery.
I spoke in my last blog about making a commitment to Self, and when you get right down to it, I am looking at making a “Do-or-Die” commitment. My Teacher reminded me this morning of my deep-felt need to study; that I have expressed a desire, and commenced the work, to dig deeper into that world of Energy, Frequency, Vibration. I want to learn from the Masters and use that knowledge to colour my world and the world around me – and to do this I need to have all my tools available to me – my physicality as well as emotional, mental and spiritual aspects.
And as I write this, it appears that I have made that commitment, that Vow to Self. Of course, I’m totally knackered after spending just 10 minutes on the treadmill, followed by a few ballet exercises, stretching, Tai Chi and some balance work.
Right now it feels good, but I do wonder how hard it is going to be to get out of bed tomorrow!
The topic I was directed to talk about today is so in alignment with the things that have been happening in my personal life over the last few days, I couldn’t help but laugh. I cracked up.
I was directed to pull a card for guidance on the topic that I needed to talk about today, and the deck I used is called Sacred Traveller by Denise Lynn. The card I pulled is called “Impasse”, and earlier this week I had actually been given personal experience of an impasse situation.
The definition of “Impasse” is a situation where no progress is possible, and in our 3D world, it’s often caused by a dispute of some kind. An impasse can happen pretty much anywhere, where two or more groups are in disagreement and none of them will give an inch. They can’t progress. No-one is going to win. Everyone stands a chance of losing. It can happen at work, within the relationships in your life – your family, friends – and it can happen on your spiritual path too.
An Impasse is an obstacle. And on your Journey through this life, when you come across an obstacle you generally need to make a choice. Regardless of what the obstacle actually is, it’s like a big high wall that’s stopping you progressing, and nothing is going to happen, nothing is going to change or improve whilst that big wall is in the way. So you find that you need to make a choice about how you are going to deal with the problem in front of you. You want to move forward, but there is something stopping you.
You could ignore it. Hope it’ll go away or that someone else will deal with it. Settle down on your side of the obstacle, where it’s comfortable, where you understand your side of things and you don’t get to be challenged by other side. And you stop growing. You stagnate.
You could get angry and butt-heads with the obstacle. Try to convince the opposition that you are right and they are wrong – and maybe they are doing exactly the same thing. Or maybe you are throwing yourself against that wall and the other side are just ignoring you. You don’t count.
So what else can you do? You could take a step backwards, give yourself a bit of space to review the situation first, and then turn around and walk away from the barrier and find a new pathway.
In our 3D world, where you can’t separate the physical from the spiritual, there are many forms of impasse that can form that huge high wall preventing us moving into the glorious golden-age future that we dream of. In our society right now, it can sometime feel as if those walls are just growing higher. Closing us in, trapping us, encasing us. Just settling down where you are comfortable isn’t making things better; butting against the obstacle only seem to encourage its growth, so maybe it’s time to look at things from a new perspective.
A wise person, when faced with a barrier across her path, looks for another route – a way around the barrier.
It’s time to re-direct our energy.
We have been learning that we are all in this current situation. No-one really is exempt. Every human that exists on this planet is affected by the current impasse to our growth. Yes, some individuals are growing, but when you consider the Collective, nearly 8 billion humans, you could say that we are at an impasse. We are settling down, getting used to the barriers around us. Every one of us is a part of this planet, this galaxy, this universe. We ARE together and we need to start working together to remove what is stopping us from growing. And so far it seems as if we have either been settling in to where it’s comfortable or bashing ourselves against the ever-growing obstacle. And we know that neither of those things are going to work. We need to find a new way to get through or round or over the obstacle so we can re-find our path, or we need to find a new path.
In my personal experience this week, I chose to walk away from where the other individual was busy bashing against the wall. It wasn’t easy. It isn’t easy. But it was also the right choice. It gave me space to understand more, it gave me the opportunity to see new pathways, new directions to follow. Walking away freed me to take the steps I needed to fly over that barrier and lightly walk on into my future.
This was me. Auri’An. One human. One thread in the weaving of the CCoH. In this experience I was given the gift to understand how high we could fly if we could only lift each other up over the impasse that we have built.
But only if we can learn to truly understand that we are all One and because we are all One, we are all on the same side.
Gy’ Shé em Flip the Fear and Shine your Bling
Don’t forget to Like and to Subscribe so that you don’t miss future posts. Thank you for reading.
The International Koalition of Krones (IKoK) is an international group of Spiritually Awakened Wise Women whose goal is to assist the Collective in it’s continued Spiritual Awakening & Consciousness Expansion Journey during this time on Earth referred to as “The Great Awakening”
The Founder of the IKoK, Essence Ka tha’ras, is, amongst many other things, a Master Metatronic Numerologist. If you wish to explore her work, and the work of the IKoK, there are links below.
There are also You Tube and Soundcloud links to the full IKoK Chats if you wish to know more about the work we do.
Please feel free to share this blog. I only ask that you share it in it’s entirety and not just snippets. You can also share the memes on the following page: Memes and Other Stuff
Those who travel the Spiritual realms say that “We need to release that which no longer serves”, although in our everyday human life we are more likely to say something like “out with the old, make room for the new” but how many of us actually take the time to understand what those words mean and to actually do something about it?
I’ve often spoken of how we talk-the-talk but don’t understand the energy of the words we use; of how we have fallen into the habit of parroting phrases that sound good to us, but as with many of these so-called “New Age” phrases, we don’t often take the time to dig deep within ourselves to find out what it actually means, on an energetic level, to do those things.
So, what is it that no longer serves? What does it mean? I’ve seen and heard it being used by people when they really mean “Shut up about XYZ. It’s done. Get over it!” And although that’s fairly extreme I also find that it can be used as an excuse similar to when you know that you need to clean the fridge but can’t be bothered just yet. It’s a very wide-ranging term that is open to an almost infinite range of explanations.
In the physical world for example, it’s likely to mean sorting out your wardrobe and getting rid of stuff that doesn’t fit any more or it could be the dancing Elvis doll you bought on a whim and is now cluttering up your bookshelf – or, yes, cleaning the fridge! In your emotional world, it could mean leaving an abusive relationship or walking away from a virulent argument. It could be leaving behind beliefs and memories that replay in your mind causing you to fall back into self-destructive energy. And it is this last example that is most important to those of us who are working within the Spiritual realms, because these beliefs and memories have a tendency to cycle around and around simply because we haven’t dealt with them. They are the very things that pull us down and cause it to be hard to maintain the highest energy frequency we can.
I, like most other people, have things that have adversely affected me my whole life. Those who have been following me for a while are probably aware that for most of my life I have stumbled from one drama to another and that over the past few years I have been actively working to deal with the energies of these dramas. As I have worked through various things, I have come to realise that these are the very things that have gifted me with knowledge and wisdom, caring and the desire to be of assistance to the Collective. I have been discovering that the dramas of my life are the very things that make me into the person I am becoming.
Here’s an example. I used to work in the corporate world. A large company where I held a National Management position. I left that world over 15 years ago, yet I still feel the anger, frustration and powerlessness of every Board meeting I attended – where the old-school-mates would leave a box of tissues at my place at the table because they knew that it was so very easy to wind me up until I burst into tears. That they were tears of anger and frustration at being misunderstood in a predominantly male world, compounded by deep disappointment in self that I reacted that way, was no matter – the game was to make me cry.
Even though I am no longer that person, and the anger and frustration is long gone, the memory remains. The belief that I react this way to bullies was so ingrained that I didn’t actually think of it as a belief. It was just me. I didn’t even realise that the other people were being bullies. I actually carried the energy of that memory with me over the years without even realising it, because it was such a part of ME that it had become something I rarely thought of – until I released that energy just the other day within a meditation session. I had carried one perspective of that situation for all these years – that of the emotions I felt during those horribly embarrassing meetings. In that meditation, I came to see another perspective where I could understand that although the actual hands-on work as that National Manager was right up my street, as a PTSD sufferer, I was ill-equipped for the aspects that involved confrontation. The “what no longer served me” that I released was not only the memory pain of being bullied, embarrassed and emotional when pushed, but with it came the realisation that at that time in my life I was in a situation that was beyond me. I forgave my overwhelming work colleagues and, most importantly, I forgave myself.
A few weeks ago I, and the other Krones, logged off social media for a break from the energies – for “Spiritual Maintenance.” It was a much-needed time to reset beliefs – to release that which no longer serves and to confirm commitments to the work that we do. I had a lot of difficulty in getting back to my groups and pages – the energies seemed stagnant. It was time for a good close look at why. My page, The Path to Ein Teri Y’h was about a long-held dream that seemed about to move from a dream into reality when covid reared its head and so many dreams fell into dust. I had given that group a new name, tried to stir the energies back into some form of enthusiasm but it became so very obvious that this was one of those things that no longer served. And so I released that Facebook group and it is being archived on 31st August, and by doing that I have given myself time. Time to work on my blog, my podcast, the work of the International Koalition of Krones, my Helping You course and more.
When you release those old, long-held beliefs not only does it give you a feeling of dropping a heavy weight, it gives you room to move, to become creative. To grow. It gives you space, physically, emotionally and spiritually, to spread your wings, to learn how to fly in a new world.
Gy’ Shé em Flip the heaviness and Shine your Bling
Don’t forget to Like and to Subscribe so that you don’t miss future posts. Thank you for reading.
The International Koalition of Krones (IKoK) is an international group of Spiritually Awakened Wise Women whose goal is to assist the Collective in it’s continued Spiritual Awakening & Consciousness Expansion Journey during this time on Earth referred to as “The Great Awakening”
The Founder of the IKoK, Essence Ka tha’ras, is, amongst many other things, a Master Metatronic Numerologist. If you wish to explore her work, and the work of the IKoK, there are links below.
There are also You Tube and Soundcloud links to the full IKoK Chats if you wish to know more about the work we do.
Please feel free to share this blog. I only ask that you share it in it’s entirety and not just snippets. You can also share the memes on the following page: Memes and Other Stuff
All my life, for as long as I can remember, I have been overwhelmed. For most of my life I believed it was because of my upbringing which was in a time when children could be seen, but most definitely were not to be heard. It was confusing. Adults and other children around me, made me feel befuddled. They made me fearful; they over-powered me with their very presence, with the noise that they made. They were too active – too strong and I didn’t understand that it wasn’t their physical voice, or activity, or muscular strength that overpowered me – it was far stranger than that. Some people could over-power me simply by looking at me and make me devolve into tear-filled mess.
The noise that humans make hurts me. Even now – in certain situations. Not physically, it’s more of a mental disturbance. It’s hard to describe, and as a child I had no means of reference to say that this pain which hurt my body and this pain which hurt my soul were any different. I had no guidance to know that it wasn’t always physical noise that hurt. Now I know that it is the chaotic, jumbled Energy noise that so many people put out, that can hurt so much.
Like many others, I had no-one to guide me, so I learnt avoidance. I already knew how to disappear into the walls so that I couldn’t be seen but I also learned how to disappear into story books, how to travel to different realms. My own way to describe it was to “go visit the Elephants”. Basically I would leave my body and go where I felt safe. On the open savannah with the elephants. I would walk in their footsteps. I have a guide, Emily, who is a big, blue, matriachal elephant. I even have a painting of her on my wall. She makes me feel safe.
I learned how not to be there even when my physical body was. It was the only way I had at that time to control my environment. When I got a bit older, I used food to control my environment. I was anorexic.
That tentative control was violently ripped from me one day when I was caught up in riots. Now I understand that it wasn’t just the physical noise and violence of those riots, but the Energy of anger, fear, death; of dominance, destruction and hatred. That Energy whirled around in a maelstrom of violence that I couldn’t handle. For over 20 years after that event, I lived in fear of everything outside my front door. I had zero control of everything that happened outside my front door. It took that long for me to be diagnosed with PTSD.
Time moved on, I learned how to deal with the panic attacks that happened every day and especially whenever I went into a place where there were lots of people. My need to escape the pain I felt was so great that I would become violent. I’ve been thrown out of more that one McDonalds for going to thump someone who was simply talking loudly!
Time moved on, I learned coping strategies and life continued – and was even fulfilling at times. Then, totally out of the blue, in the midst of a time when other dramas were playing out, I was accused of something I hadn’t done, something I hadn’t even been involved with and I was threatened with jail time. My world was already very delicately poised, but with this threat it totally collapsed. This was in August 2014.
In October 2014, I had what I call my Initial Spiritual Awakening Experience. And in June the following year Essence Ka tha’ras came into my life. There have been many times when I have stated that she saved my sanity and I am deadly serious about that. Finally someone was able to explain to me what was happening.
At 60 years of age I found out about Empathy. Of course I knew about empathy as opposed to sympathy, but I didn’t know that empathy could also be an amalgam of our senses; a deeper sense. A response to the energies swirling about in the world around us. I didn’t know that people are empathic in this way of sensing the energies around them. I found out that I am Empathic – and that every other human on this planet has that ability to some degree or other. If they are open to it – it’s a matter of sensitivity. Most importantly, I learned that it overwhelms when you are not in control. And I, most definitely, was not in control. I finally discovered that all this pain and noise and overwhelm is because I am very sensitive to the energy of what is around me.
Essence taught me that I can learn to take control.
That has probably been the most important part of my journey through this lifetime. You really can’t learn to control how you perceive and receive the energy around you, until you learn about how Energy works and how to work with Energy. You can’t just flick a switch – you have to learn about it.
The very first thing I needed to learn was how to stop seeing all this Energetic swirling as something to be feared. Essence taught me that if I could learn to take control, instead of it controlling me, that this knowledge of the energy of the world around me could become my greatest gift for helping others. I am driven to help others; and this could be an amazing tool but I had to change my mindset, my beliefs. I’d had 60 years of fear and hiding from something that could be my greatest asset – but it wasn’t something that was going to be learned overnight.
Essence got the ball rolling, but eventually my guides directed me to attend a weekly meditation circle in the town where I lived. The people there were lovely. Committed, helpful, caring – but the Energies they moved in were already too low a frequency for me to feel comfortable in and I wasn’t sufficiently experienced to be able to move through different frequencies without being affected. I know that sounds like Ego – Hey, my frequency is higher than yours – but that is very definitely not the case. It was simply that they worked in fields that operated in different frequencies than those I was starting to work in. I went there to learn skills I needed – primarily I needed to learn to trust what I Know. To trust the Energy I was able to read. How did I do this, I learned the art of psychometry.
I was pretty hopeless with reading Energy off personal items such as jewellery, they feel inert to me, but my teacher would put a photograph in an envelope or face-down on the table and I would hover my hand over it, I wouldn’t touch it and I would attempt to ‘read’ the Energy I felt about whatever was in that photo that I couldn’t see. I had to push myself out of my comfort zone and learn to say what came into my Knowing without doubting and second-guessing it. Sometimes the things students would come out with when we did these exercises were hilarious or even ridiculous, but no-one ever made anyone else feel stupid. We were all just having a go and I learned to relax and say whatever popped into my mind. And surprisingly that information was uncannily accurate.
It was a good class. Fun. Great people. And every single week for about 18 months, I left that class, got home and vomited. Every single week after attending that class, I would spend hours throwing up.
Now, to be fair, I do have a number of food intolerances and vomiting isn’t really unusual for me when I eat certain natural food chemicals and so, week after week I thought it was something I was eating. Until I was invited to visit the local Spiritual Church.
I went into that church and immediately felt that really familiar draining of my Energy that I describe as ‘pain’. This was a place of very low frequency and I was in a position of starting to be able to recognise and understand it. When I had to rush out of that church in order to vomit, I knew exactly why I had been throwing up for the previous 18 months. However lovely the people were in the class I had been attending, the Energy they were working in was too low for the frequencies I was learning to move within and when I mentioned this with my psychometry teacher, she confirmed that she too had recognised that I would soon be leaving to follow my own path. This is a good way of understanding that you really can’t separate the physical from the spiritual.
During most of this time, I had lived in an apartment building with the most horrible, swirling, chaotic energy. Next door was an even bigger apartment building that held energies that were even more intense. It came to a point, when I had to move out. I was the fourth successive manager of that building to have had a mental breakdown. That’s how bad the Energy was there. I amicably separated from my husband and moved to a town several hours away, but on the 1st January 2018 I found myself back in that building after getting a call for help in running the resort.
Despite already having several years of learning to recognise and understand how to read the Energy and, at a basic level, how to work with it, I found myself just 8 days later, on the beach seeking a passive way to leave this life. That’s how badly I was being affected by that energy of those buildings in just 8 short days. I went into meditation and beseeched the Universe to either take me or to show me how to bring balance into my life.
Balance is what I got. I fell off the sea wall. I had to be rescued by the fire service; had two stays in hospital and 4 1/2 hours of surgery pinning my leg back together. When I came out of hospital I had to go back to that place of swirling, painful energy which had only become worse. I had to spend 9 weeks in bed with my leg stuck in the air. And I had to recognise that Energy and not allow it to take control of me once again. I had to learn to choose how I worked with it.
During those 9 weeks I was severely tested. I don’t need to go into the details, but it was bad; it was hard. And it was here that I came to understand that me being in control of the way I perceive and work with the energies around me, or of allowing these energies to control me as they had whilst I was younger was all about choice. Choice and discernment. I had the ability to choose how I saw, felt and reacted to the energies around me and in order to make that choice I had to be able to discern what was beneficial and what was not. And believe me, not only then but in the three years since that accident, I have been severely challenged.
Does this mean that I am now fully in control of my Empathic abilities. Nope. I think I will be learning and growing in this area for a long time yet. What has happened is that I am learning to use that energy in the way that Essence told me I would be able to do. I now view this ability as the true gift it is. I use it to see my world as it is and not so much as it is presented. I use it when I have a client – either for Reiki or drum healing or as a counsellor. I use it within meditation for the benefit of the entire collective – and it’s impossible not to work with energy when working with Essence.
One of the first things she taught me is that Everything is Energy, Frequency, Vibration. It took me a while to get a really good handle on understanding that – but I think I’m pretty much getting there!
Thank you. Thank you for listening. I hope the sharing of my journey helps you to better understand your journey and not to be overwhelmed by the fears of uncontrolled empathy.
Gy’ Shé em Flip the heaviness and Shine your Bling
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The International Koalition of Krones (IKoK) is an international group of Spiritually Awakened Wise Women whose goal is to assist the Collective in it’s continued Spiritual Awakening & Consciousness Expansion Journey during this time on Earth referred to as “The Great Awakening”
The Founder of the IKoK, Essence Ka tha’ras, is, amongst many other things, a Master Metatronic Numerologist. If you wish to explore her work, and the work of the IKoK, there are links below.
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Auri'An's Journey 