Tag: Memories

Symphony of Sorrowful Songs

I saw a post on Facebook asking people “what kept you alive when nothing seem able to save you”.  That post triggered a memory of me, in my office, not long after my husband had passed on, sitting at the computer, headphones on and the volume really loud so that I didn’t have to listen to, or deal with, any of the crap going on around me. 

Symphony of Sorrowful Songs by Gorecki was one of only two things that kept me on this earth when my husband died.  It starts so softly and gently that you don’t really hear anything for the first 2 minutes, and then it just builds and builds.

I’ve you’ve not listened to this, the title may be enough to make you wonder why, when you are feeling at the absolute bottom of the dung hill would you want to wallow in deep, dark music?  Those who turn to music to help them get through the hard times will understand – the music you listen to can be a reflection of the emotions you have rolling through you when are either unable to fully express those emotions, or have pushed them down so deep that you can’t express them.  It’s like doing mirror work; delving deep knowing that once you hit rock bottom, the only way is up. 

When you find that one track and you keep playing it over and over again, you may start to recognise the beauty and grace in the flow of the melody and you find that even though the music almost always brings tears, they are cleansing.  This was my ‘bling’ in one of the dark times of my life.  I literally wallowed in this music for several months.  It became like a drug, and without it I could not exist.  It seemed to be the only thing around me that reflected back the emotions I tried to hide from the world and that often threatened to drown me.

Symphony of Sorrowful songs by Gorecki is like a sunrise over the ocean.  Living in the darkness is not comfortable.  It can be scary, especially when the future is unknown, but like the sunrise, this music guides you through your personal dark nights and shows you a promise of peace.

Sunrise from my garden – Auri’An

As you listen, there is the quiet expectation of the time before the first hint of light becomes visible.  The darkest place.  It’s quiet.  So quiet and deep that you barely register the sound, but bit by bit like the pre-dawn glow of the sunrise, the music starts to infiltrate, it starts to make itself known to your awareness.

It’s heavy, dark, and it feels like a very familiar reflection of the darkness and struggle in your own heart.  But like that sunrise, it keeps coming on in waves that bring the inevitable lifting of the darkness.  As the waves of music swell, for a moment you recognise the emotion that you hold under tight control, so that to others, you show not the sadness that is your constant companion, but rather your hard-won strength, and that even though you may be struggling right now, you will survive this.   It is a recognition of how you get through your day – the heaviness pushed to the background and overlaid with something lighter that allows you to do what you need to do in order to simply exist. 

And still this music climbs, bringing the Energy from your Root Chakra, through Sacral, Solar Plexus and coming up to your Heart Chakra, bringing the promise of eventual Peace.  Your heart rate starts to slow and, as with the sound of the ocean waves, you allow the music to wash over you, relaxing physical tension, washing away the false-front you hold like a shield against the world, and allowing a release of emotion.

Then the sun peaks over the horizon – a moment of stillness, before the Soprano voice joins in and so perfectly expresses what is in your heart, building and building until you feel almost overwhelmed.  The waves of Energy keep climbing and you recognise the cycles that occur in life: the humdrum repetitions that sometimes provide a lifeline; the almost-too intense times when you simply don’t know what to do and you just exist through the tempest; the quieter times where you can pause and take a breath.  These cycles?  They are Life.    The sun is risen.

In writing this, I sat and listened to this music for the first time in years.  Those life cycles have moved on and although there has been much drama, pain and loss, there has also been much joy and love and laughter.  Life has been lived.  I still feel the sunrise in this music and as it builds and grows it takes me to different heights.  I have a different starting-point – I’m no longer in the well of despair and am not listening from the dark depths of grief.  I still feel it in my Heart Chakra, but this is where it starts, not where it grows to.  That promise of peace has been realised and I am now feeling deeper into the emotion of the composer.  I don’t know his story, but this piece was written from the heart.  And it is beautiful.

This is a link to this album. I’d love to hear your thoughts…..

Releasing the Old….

Those who travel the Spiritual realms say that “We need to release that which no longer serves”, although in our everyday human life we are more likely to say something like “out with the old, make room for the new” but how many of us actually take the time to understand what those words mean and to actually do something about it? 

I’ve often spoken of how we talk-the-talk but don’t understand the energy of the words we use; of how we have fallen into the habit of parroting phrases that sound good to us, but as with many of these so-called “New Age” phrases, we don’t often take the time to dig deep within ourselves to find out what it actually means, on an energetic level, to do those things. 

So, what is it that no longer serves? What does it mean?  I’ve seen and heard it being used by people when they really mean “Shut up about XYZ.  It’s done.  Get over it!”   And although that’s fairly extreme I also find that it can be used as an excuse similar to when you know that you need to clean the fridge but can’t be bothered just yet.  It’s a very wide-ranging term that is open to an almost infinite range of explanations.   

In the physical world for example, it’s likely to mean sorting out your wardrobe and getting rid of stuff that doesn’t fit any more or it could be the dancing Elvis doll you bought on a whim and is now cluttering up your bookshelf – or, yes, cleaning the fridge!  In your emotional world, it could mean leaving an abusive relationship or walking away from a virulent argument.  It could be leaving behind beliefs and memories that replay in your mind causing you to fall back into self-destructive energy.  And it is this last example that is most important to those of us who are working within the Spiritual realms, because these beliefs and memories have a tendency to cycle around and around simply because we haven’t dealt with them.  They are the very things that pull us down and cause it to be hard to maintain the highest energy frequency we can. 

I, like most other people, have things that have adversely affected me my whole life.  Those who have been following me for a while are probably aware that for most of my life I have stumbled from one drama to another and that over the past few years I have been actively working to deal with the energies of these dramas.  As I have worked through various things, I have come to realise that these are the very things that have gifted me with knowledge and wisdom, caring and the desire to be of assistance to the Collective.  I have been discovering that the dramas of my life are the very things that make me into the person I am becoming. 

Here’s an example.  I used to work in the corporate world.  A large company where I held a National Management position.  I left that world over 15 years ago, yet I still feel the anger, frustration and powerlessness of every Board meeting I attended – where the old-school-mates would leave a box of tissues at my place at the table because they knew that it was so very easy to wind me up until I burst into tears.  That they were tears of anger and frustration at being misunderstood in a predominantly male world, compounded by deep disappointment in self that I reacted that way, was no matter – the game was to make me cry.   

Even though I am no longer that person, and the anger and frustration is long gone, the memory remains.  The belief that I react this way to bullies was so ingrained that I didn’t actually think of it as a belief.  It was just me.  I didn’t even realise that the other people were being bullies.   I actually carried the energy of that memory with me over the years without even realising it, because it was such a part of ME that it had become something I rarely thought of – until I released that energy just the other day within a meditation session.  I had carried one perspective of that situation for all these years – that of the emotions I felt during those horribly embarrassing meetings.  In that meditation, I came to see another perspective where I could understand that although the actual hands-on work as that National Manager was right up my street, as a PTSD sufferer, I was ill-equipped for the aspects that involved confrontation.  The “what no longer served me” that I released was not only the memory pain of being bullied, embarrassed and emotional when pushed, but with it came the realisation that at that time in my life I was in a situation that was beyond me.  I forgave my overwhelming work colleagues and, most importantly, I forgave myself. 

A few weeks ago I, and the other Krones, logged off social media for a break from the energies – for “Spiritual Maintenance.” It was a much-needed time to reset beliefs – to release that which no longer serves and to confirm commitments to the work that we do.  I had a lot of difficulty in getting back to my groups and pages – the energies seemed stagnant.  It was time for a good close look at why.  My page, The Path to Ein Teri Y’h was about a long-held dream that seemed about to move from a dream into reality when covid reared its head and so many dreams fell into dust.  I had given that group a new name, tried to stir the energies back into some form of enthusiasm but it became so very obvious that this was one of those things that no longer served.  And so I released that Facebook group and it is being archived on 31st August, and by doing that I have given myself time.  Time to work on my blog, my podcast, the work of the International Koalition of Krones, my Helping You course and more.

When you release those old, long-held beliefs not only does it give you a feeling of dropping a heavy weight, it gives you room to move, to become creative.  To grow.  It gives you space, physically, emotionally and spiritually, to spread your wings, to learn how to fly in a new world.    

Gy’ Shé em
Flip the heaviness and Shine your Bling

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The International Koalition of Krones (IKoK) is an international group of Spiritually Awakened Wise Women whose goal is to assist the Collective in it’s continued Spiritual Awakening & Consciousness Expansion Journey during this time on Earth referred to as “The Great Awakening”

The Founder of the IKoK, Essence Ka tha’ras, is, amongst many other things, a Master Metatronic Numerologist. If you wish to explore her work, and the work of the IKoK, there are links below.

There are also You Tube and Soundcloud links to the full IKoK Chats if you wish to know more about the work we do.

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