Knackered!

I’ve always been, in many ways, a ‘physical’ person.  As a child it was ballet, as an adult I became an elite athlete.  That young person lived in a fantasy world of stage lights and dreams; the adult ran up mountains – just because.

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

The physical me was my way of hiding from the world.  As a dancer, I could live in any role I chose, be recognised and applauded; as an athlete I could challenge my body in a way that I did not know how to challenge the world around me.  Always, I was hiding from my true self.

In 1997, a lifetime of stress caught up with me and I became physically ill.  In pain so severe I was told I would need to use a wheelchair – but that was not a life I could envisage.  It was not a life where I could use my body to emotionally escape.  I began the work needed to change my physical world of pain, into something far more functional.

In 2015 I was in a good place.  Physically active despite still being in pain, life was good, but I still carried the emotional weight of my life.  Then I found the person who was to become my Spiritual Teacher, mentor and friend – Essence Ka tha’ras.  She has taught me to understand from an Energetic viewpoint, the story of my life.  She taught me how to re-write that story.  It’s a journey I am still on, and right now, as I write this, I am at another crux point.

One of the things Essence teaches is that you cannot separate the physical from the spiritual, and I have grown to fully embrace that Truth.  I recently turned 67 years of age and the abuses of a physical past are doing their level best to catch up and remind me of each and every ache and pain. Then, an accident 4 years ago, meant my physical mobility decreased again, resulting in my questioning my future.  I can choose to live comfortably, and happily as a fat, un-fit, older woman and, perhaps, pass from this life in another 10-15 years, or I can step up the work to change that, and potentially have many more years to explore this Universe – this beautiful Reality that holds so much knowledge, and mystery. 

I spoke in my last blog about making a commitment to Self, and when you get right down to it, I am looking at making a “Do-or-Die” commitment.  My Teacher reminded me this morning of my deep-felt need to study; that I have expressed a desire, and commenced the work, to dig deeper into that world of Energy, Frequency, Vibration.  I want to learn from the Masters and use that knowledge to colour my world and the world around me – and to do this I need to have all my tools available to me – my physicality as well as emotional, mental and spiritual aspects.

Photo by Gustavo Fring on Pexels.com

And as I write this, it appears that I have made that commitment, that Vow to Self.  Of course, I’m totally knackered after spending just 10 minutes on the treadmill, followed by a few ballet exercises, stretching, Tai Chi and some balance work.

Right now it feels good, but I do wonder how hard it is going to be to get out of bed tomorrow!

Thank you for reading. If you found this of interest, please hit Like and don’t forget to Subscribe so that you don’t miss future posts.

%d bloggers like this: