Yggdrasil – Part 4

After the ceremony on the beach, Yggdrasil was definitely not as skewed.  She was still not quite right though.  The dogs were still terrified of her and her skin was not so taut as I expected.  And so she sat on my dresser – loved, but not fulfilling what Spirit had led me to expect.  Something was STILL missing.

But things have a way of working out.

During my first year of spiritual journeying I have met many teachers.  Some have come into my world, shown me what was needed and departed.  Some have stuck around.  One of these latter is a beautiful lady, Sunder.  Sunder is in her 70’s but looks and acts as if she is in her 50’s!  She has an amazing energy and introduces herself as “I don’t do fluff.  I teach in the traditional way.  The old ways, the way I was taught.”  She has studied for over 50 years – in Australia with the Aboriginal people, in India, in Peru and with Native Americans.  She has lived each of these cultures and holds 3 medicine bags.  She is Shaman.  She is Grandmother Sunder.

I took Yggdrasil to her on a three day retreat.  There, amidst much Ceremony Yggdrasil finally received the traditional birthing welcome with respect, intention, prayers, corn, tobacco, ……. And sleeping with me in my bed!  I learned about my drum.  And she sang in the most powerful of Ceremonies where we were visited by the Ancestors, the Elders, Thunder, Spirit.  The world was washed and re-born – and so were we.

And despite this, Yggdrasil was STILL not quite ‘right’  I couldn’t put my finger on it and after talking with Sunder I decided that I had done everything I could, and maybe Yggdrasil wasn’t meant to stay with me.  Maybe she needed to move to a different person.  And so I finally, after a few weeks delibration, decided to give to Sunder to find a new home for her.

On the day before I was to deliver her to Sunder I decided to play her one more time.  I took her out into the sunshine, tapped gently on her skin with the beater ……… and the lacing snapped!

And suddenly I knew what was wrong.  I am so dense at times!  The lacing was man-made.  It needed to be natural.  And when she had been originally birthed, we had drummed the day after making when the skin needs about a week to fully dry before playing.  She couldn’t sing properly because she wasn’t made properly!  Insufficient respect been given to the animal and plant kingdoms been given  at her original birthing, but had been rectified at my private Ceremony (Part 2); insufficient respect had been given to the Spirit world but had been rectified at Sunder’s Retreat but she had been made with incorrect materials.  Heck, the beater was made from the innards of a stuffed toy!

Only one thing left to do.  Remake her correctly.  And so started a couple of months of research and preparation.  I bought natural roo lacing, a leather hole punch and remade the beater with bamboo fabric and on Christmas Eve I took a pair of scissors to Yggdrasil’s artificial lacing and cut her skin free of the hoop and put it to soak overnight.

The next day I re-cut the skin, re-punched it and re-laced it to the hoop, all the while giving prayers, respect, gratitude and setting the intention of the drum.  I laced her in such a way as to represent the four seasons, or four directions, or four elements.  Each season has three branches equalling the 12 months of the year.  And I left her to dry for 7 days.

On the first day of 2016, I played her.  Her skin has changed.  The dragon at the base of the tree has become more pronounced, the tree less so.  The deer, the tipi and other animals have disappeared and there has appeared a dark shading with lots of ‘streamers’ which I didn’t understand until later that day.  On Facebook I saw a photo of a Mongolian Shaman dancing with his drum.  His costume has a lot of streamers and the darkness on my drum is a silhouette of this Shaman.  I find this just a little mind-blowing as over the past few months I have been drawn towards discovering more about this culture.

And Yggdrasil…….. she SANG!

And the dogs are no longer terrified of her.


Yggdrasil – Part 3

Yggdrasil is Welcomed.  

There was a distinct feeling of Yggdrasil being in limbo after her birthing.  And insufficiency of many things.  Certainly I was not ready to use her in any form of healing or Ceremony.  But Spirit has a way of guiding you to what needs to be done……

3:09 pm 26th July 2015
I went grocery shopping this morning and part way around the store I knew that today was the right time to take Yggdrasil to a Sacred Space to hold a Consecration Ceremony.
So when I got home I unpacked the groceries, put the chickens in the oven to cook for the dogs, had a quick lunch then I gathered up everything that my intuition told me to take and I set off to Bayside.
There was no-one there. Just the trees, the water, the beauty, the birdsong and me. Beautiful. A gorgeous short walk through the trees to the water. I had, of course to stop and talk to three of the largest eucalyptus trees – Watcher, Gatekeeper and Sentinel, explain what I was doing and receiving their blessings.
I left my shoes at the edge of the forest and walked bare-foot across the sands for about a kilometre. To a place that is known to be an old aboriginal midden, a pre-historic refuse site; an eating place for the ancient aboriginals. Unfortunately, someone has been farm-planting mangrove and the special feeling of that place is being lost. A little further on though, and I knew I was in a Sacred Space.
It wasn’t at all strange to me that I knew exactly what I needed to say and do. First though, I needed permission from the spirits of this place to hold a Ceremony. I stood at the edge of the space and asked Great Spirit, Mother Earth, guardians of this place for permission to hold a ceremony for bringing Yggdrasil into their spiritual world as an instrument for good. Confirmation that permission was granted was given to me. If I had been refused I would have offered thanks and found another place. I was grateful for being allowed to be there. There was a very special atmosphere in that place. Of Peace, Acceptance and Love.
I walked a circle around the immediate area and gave my thanks. Then I lay Yggdrasil in the center, on the sand. In contact with Mother Earth. Around her I laid the crystals I’d brought. There were 8. 8 is constantly cropping up right now so that was very appropriate.
At the base was Red Jasper for connection to Mother Earth. At the top, selenite for connection to Spirit. East and West were rose quartz for love. A sunstone closest to the sun, citrine closest to the moon. Hematite for grounding, amethyst for healing. I had also taken my Shiva Lingum which was outside the circle at the base of the drum. Strength.
To the right of the drum, I planted the beater next to a small mangrove sprout. This was in recognition of the plant that the beater handle had come from. I also acknowledged the human energy in producing the man-made elements of the beater.
I lit my smudge pot with white sage and eucalyptus and smudged the area, the crystals, drum, beater, Tibetan singing bowl, me. Everything. Then I placed the smudge bowl to the left in order to continue wafting smoke across the drum.

I can’t remember the exact words I used – they were given or restored to me for this working – but I thanked the plant that gave of itself for the hoop. For the structure and strength, without which Yggdrasil could not be.
I thanked the cord that bound the skin to the drum – again without this, Yggdrasil could not be. And I thanked the deer who gave her life in order that Yggdrasil could be made of her skin. I made reference to her life and hoped in the name of Cernunnos that it was wild and free. I offered my apologies if it was less. I thanked her spirit and told her that I would honour her memory.
I rang the Tibetan Bowl 3 times and meditated for a short while. I then picked up Yggdrasil and the marker pen I’d brought and marked the inside of the frame with the Infinity symbol – the 8 that is so important right now and I knew that this drum has a connection to History and on into Infinity.
Then I played for a short while. Yggdrasil sang. The Tibetan bowl sang too. Yggdrasil sang for Love, Peace, Compassion, Gratitude, Tolerance, Healing, Abundance, the Journey and the Return.
Another meditation. This time much longer. ??? I’d started sitting with Yggdrasil in my lap but when I became aware again I was lying down with Yggdrasil on the sand next to me. I had one (left) hand on her skin, stroking it and the other hand on the beater. I felt Divine Love for Yggdrasil. Whatever happened during this time out of time, the connection between Yggdrasil and me was firmly made.
During my “time away” the tide had come in and I knew that the final connection had to be made in running water. So off I went across the sand and stood in the ocean water of the Bay. Yggdrasil and I sang. We shared each of her new gifts with Gaia and her Children.

I knew that was the completion of the Ceremony. It was then just a matter of packing up, giving libation to Earth and the Guardians of this place; thanking Sun, Moon, Guardians,  Spirit and Mother Earth and heading home.

What a way to welcome both Yggdrasil and the new Mayan year. I feel beautifully connected once again.

Yggdrasil – Part 2

Something not right with Yggdrasil

1st August 2015
When I last mentioned Yggdrasil, my Medicine drum, I was very excited. She was still drying and her beauty was plain to see. Unfortunately the birthing of the drums made that weekend wasn’t sufficient to connect Yggdrasil to Mother Earth and Spirit.

The day after making the drums, we took them outside, around a small fire and sang and danced. It was a lot of fun, and if the workshop has been about making a drum for entertainment, it would have been perfect. But Yggdrasil has a history and a future and needed to be connected.
Our Teacher guided us in singing a song to each of the four directions; a song about beauty; buffalo woman and a couple of other songs. She had arranged for someone to call in and video us and the singing and dancing around the fire seemed, at first like a rehearsal. And then a relaxed performance during the filming. It was not anything like the Ceremony I had expected. But maybe my expectations were too high.

I had expected a formal meditation to give thanks and gratitude and honour to the animals who had given their lives for our drums. No meditation, just a word in passing whilst Teacher smudged us and the skins. It may have been enough, and certainly I didn’t feel the lack at the time. Once made, I expected a Blessing, a time to set the intention for our drums, a Consecration. The singing and dancing were fun, but I don’t believe I was the only person noticing the lack of anything of depth.

When I got home, I was greeted by my husband and my dogs. Both dogs are used to me banging on drums – I have an Egyptian Darbukka and a Daf (Frame drum), so drum noise isn’t a problem. But when Orson saw Yggdrasil, he had a full-blown panic attack. If it wasn’t so upsetting for him, it would have been funny. An 85kg Newfoundland dog terrified of a drum. I found him cowering on Mal’s bed and it took ages to calm him down.

Over the next few days I realised the problem was because Yggdrasil was in limbo. Proper respect had not been given to the deer for her skin; the intention hadn’t been set and connection to the spirit world hadn’t been made.

I spoke with another Shamanic friend, and his wife. I also spoke with crystal shop owner and a friend who is a psychic medium. I put crystals into the drum, until I could work out what was needed to bring Yggdrasil into her full potential.

In the next few posts, I will share the story of Yggdrasil – and how she has been re-birthed and is ready to reach her full potential.


Yggdrasil – Part 1

19th July 2015
The story of my Drum, Yggdrasil.

I birthed my Medicine Drum for the first time on a weekend workshop lead by a beautiful lady with a glorious voice.  There were 5 of us making our drums and we had a blast.  Choosing our skins and hoops, cutting to size, punching holes, threading them.  then we left them to dry overnight.  The photo is of my wet drum – I was so proud of it and knew immediately that it was special.

That night I dreamed.  the spirit of my drum came to me and told me her name was Yggdrasil.  That’s not a name you hear everyday.  Certainly I’d never heard of it before.  And when I woke up I found I had been auto-writing.  This is what I wrote:

In the dim and distant past, almost at the time before History began there was a Goddess (I can’t remember her name) and her consort Cernunnos. Cernunnos was the God of all wild things. Of the trees and forest. Of the creatures that lived there. Of all things that are wild and free.
Over time Cernunnos has been known by many names. In the time of the Druids he was Herne the Horned Hunter. The Celts knew him as The Green Man. For the Norse people he is represented as Odin.
The Norse gods reside in Asgard. In the centre of Asgard is a very large ash tree. This tree is so tall that its branches reach through the clouds and touch the sky. Its roots are buried deep into the earth. It has three main roots: one into Asgard, one into the land of the Giants and the third one is where the dragon lives.
This tree has contact with all the nine worlds of Norse mythology. At the base of this tree lives Dragon. At the top is Eagle. Squirrel runs between the two stirring up mischief! Stag lives within the protection of the tree.
The tree’s name is Yggdrasil.
It is the Tree of Life.
My Animal Totems are Stag and Possum.
I have flown with Eagle and Dragon.
Possum could be considered the Australian equivalent of a squirrel.
The animals connected with Cernunnos and Yggdrasil are all close to me.

Of course, one of the first things I did after reading my auto-writing, was check Google – that fount of all knowledge!  And there was the name Yggdrasil – with the exact story I had written.  I was gob-smacked!

As she was being made, with her skin wet, she showed a beautiful central tree. Tiger (one of my spirit messengers) was there as was Stag (my spirit guide). A Tipi was also visible – an acknowledgement of the Native American Shamic heritage of this particular drum.
As she dried, a whole forest seemed to surround the central tree and many more animals could be seen.
I also made three decorative hide plaits which hang from the bottom of the drum. I now know that these represent the three roots.
The central tree is, of course, Yggdrasil.

Now that the skin is fully dried, there is little to see. But I know the secrets in the skin. And as Yggdrasil ages these secrets will return for all to see.

I have had several past lives. One is from the time of Cernunnos where I was a Healer. I used Wild Stones to scry the future and the past. I understood the Moon, the movement of the Sun and honoured Mother Earth.

Almaak Dancer

Almaak Dancer.  My Facebook name.

So how did I get this name?  Almaak Dancer. My original soul came from the star system Almaak in the Andromedan Galaxy.

As for the dancer part? I love to dance. Originally classical ballet and more recently, belly dance. Or just prancing around the kitchen!

But the actual name came from a message – presumably from my higher self. But it was the first time I had been given a full-out message and asked to share it. It was really scary, publishing something, even though there was nothing new in the message. It was more of an introduction than anything else.

Anyway, the message went onto Facebook where, other than a few close friends who commented, it pretty much just fell into the vast quagmire of similar posts and disappeared.

So here it is….the first channeled message….

“I am a member of the Council of Twelve from Andromeda. My home is the binary system of Almaak. The blue crystal planet. I was given the choice to observe or participate in the assistance we are providing for the raising of Gaia and her children. I have chosen to participate and, in choosing thusly, I am, as many, limited in my memories. Covered by a veil of forgetfulness so that I may fully learn from the human experience. You may know me as Dancer which is a name suitable for this human vessel.
Humanity is changing and separating into two species. Those who are awakened, conscious, empathetic, becoming One. Becoming aware of I AM. These are the ones with changing DNA, who are rising towards higher vibrations.
There will remain at a lower level, the sub-humans. Those who do not love, who do not have compassion. Those who hate and hurt others. And in doing so, hurt themselves most of all. For they too have the opportunity and choice to rise. But in choosing their lower path, these unfortunates will forever remain a lesser species. But remember, they are still children of Gaia. There is still time. Show them the path of peace and love.”

So there you have it. On another time I’ll write about my journey through two Stargates to Almaak and the very short, but beautiful experience of meeting a Light Being.

Source Energy

Source Energy

If you were allowing Source Energy to pour through you in the abundant way that it would if you were not resisting it, you would experience utter Well-Being. Your physical body would be in optimum condition at all times. You would feel vital and alive and fueled, and eager. You would feel like those 2-year olds, who just can’t get enough of this wonderful stuff called physical life. You would feel the vitality that would carry you through all the days of your experience, compounding more in every day, because everything that you see, and every desire that is therefore born within you, causes a conclusion that summons the Life Force that is the eternal fuel.


I’ve just found this quote. I do actually channel Source Energy. It is incredibly intense. And it is because of this intensity, it isn’t constant. It is infrequent. I don’t believe the human body is built to handle Source Energy constantly. You definitely feel that vitality. Your whole body feels explosive with health and strength and love. But it’s like an orgasm. Not sustainable. And yes, it’s addictive. After channeling that vast amount of energy you are left wrung out, exhausted, dazed. And at peace. So very much in tune with the world, with the Universe. And over the subsequent days, you long to return. You feel something is missing. You search and meditate and pray it will happen again. And when it does……

Helping Hands?

I’ve always had an urge to help people with their difficulties in life – especially if I have had some similar experience. This urge has got me into trouble so many times, but still it is there.

When I hear of someone treading a route I’ve already navigated it’s almost impossible for me to step back and not add my two pennyworth! As a result I’ve been accused of butting in where not needed and even one-upmanship. It’s easier when writing, as I can edit the words so that they mean what I am trying to say. It’s a lot harder to do this face to face. And that’s where I often get it wrong.
For example I knew, due to years of gynae issues that there was a chance I couldn’t have children. That was no problem until I had been married a year or so and I suddenly became desperate for a baby. Many years later I could still remember that need and when a work colleague told me she was about to embark on a course of IVF and that she was desperate to have a child, I told her that I understood her desperation and gave her an outline of my experience. My intention was mearly to demonstrate that I had some understanding of her situation and that I was there for her if she needed support. She took it as me trying to belittle her worries and feelings; of me trying to top her situation.

This particular experience stuck with me for years and caused me to retreat into my shell more and more. I became afraid to speak in case my words and intentions were mis-perceived again.

But still, I have the need to offer advice if I have experienced something or can see a point of view that is a little different. What I don’t do is expect the recipient to blindly follow my advice. It’s advice. It’s my experience. It’s not necessarily the answer for someone else. What I hope is that the person will gather information, suggestions, guidance from several sources, sort through it, discard what isn’t relevant, cherry-pick what has a ring of truth and arrive themselves with an answer that feels right for them.

After all, it’s their problem. Their bumpy path. I just recognise it from when I walked there. And I also had life lessons to learn.

It’s funny in a way. I still jump in with advice if I feel I can be of assistance. I still find that I will qualify my experience by sharing a situation that feels similar. For me, I am trying to demonstrate that I DO, truly, understand. And recently, as I have become more aware of my Life Lessons, I find myself offering advice through social media. I see the Lesson that is presenting itself.

Today, someone needed help. I offered my thoughts.
And then someone else suggested I write a blog about Life Lessons.

Maybe this is the direction I need here. Instead of my mental meanderings!

Time will tell.

I AM a First Wave Blue Ray Indigo

I AM a First Wave Blue Ray Indigo.

This is an article sent to me and in which I recognise myself. There are many more people just like me, who came into the world around the same time and who are experiencing similar life patterns. We are a Soul Family.


I can say that now, as can many others my age, but when we were young not only did most of us not know what this meant, we had not ever heard of such things before. Even today many people are not familiar with, nor have ever heard of this Spiritual Generation.

In this short article, which is an edited and slightly expanded version of one I originally shared in January of 2014, you will find information describing some of the attributes and traits of a First Wave Blue Ray Indigo. For those of you who are First Wave Blue Ray Indigos I hope this information may help finally answer some questions for you, and let you know something of your Spiritual Generation’s work and what we have done and continue to do for the Expansion of Consciousness of Humanity in the Spiritual Awakening process. For those of subsequent Spiritual Generations maybe this information may help you better understand your parents and/or you grandparents.

First Wave Blue Ray Indigos started incarnating in fairly large numbers around 1945 to 1949 through about 1969-1970. This makes them approximately between the ages of 45 to 70.

First Wave Blue Ray Indigos began coming in en masse around 1955 or so, and the “Hippy Love and Peace Generation” was the very first sign of this new frequency moving into physical mainstream reality; and it went a very long way in breaking up the dense vibrational frequencies held by Earth and humanity at that time; something that was necessary for raising the consciousness of the Collective.

In a nutshell, First Wave Blue Ray Indigos came here to start (re)raising the frequency of Earth and the Collective Consciousness of Humanity so that when the time for the Indigo Frequency Generation to come in arrived, the vibration and frequency of the planet would be high enough for them to get here and exist physically. The frequency First Wave Blue Ray Indigos came into was so dense Indigos and subsequent Frequency Ray Generations could not even get here.

Many First Wave Blue Ray Indigos had self-worth, self-esteem and low self-confidence problems. This was due to existing on a planet that felt very foreign and was not highly spiritually evolved. There was a strong sense of isolation for this spiritual generation, because finding each other back then was difficult.

First Wave Blue Ray Indigos instinctively knew they were different, and that things were not right on this planet, but they had to conform, at least in pretense, because the “accepted reality” at that time would not permit anything less.

First Wave Blue Ray Indigos had a tendency to stay to themselves a lot, and needed lots of time alone so they could “be” in a place that allowed them to connect to the feelings of “home” within their minds. They were not likely to rock the boat or make waves unless pushed to extremes; and this had to be an extreme, extreme!

First Wave Blue Ray Indigos intuitively knew they were here to do something big, yet had no idea what that something was. This inner knowing created a strong desire in them to constantly push in search of what it was they felt so strongly within themselves. This was actually the driving force that led to raising the vibrational frequency of Earth during that time.

First Wave Blue Ray Indigos are highly empathic and cannot, (even to this day) understand the acts of cruelty toward each other, animals, the earth, or the corruption in political, religious, and economic systems humans are capable of. They came in on a frequency ray, and from a place of Love and Peace, (as do we all), and want nothing more than to connect to others and exist in a place that feels peaceful, loving and kind. They are the true Idealist Utopians, and even though they can rationally understand why Utopia does not currently exist upon Earth, they cannot truly comprehend why it seems so difficult for humanity to instantly create Utopia on Earth. To them, it is as easy as breathing.

First Wave Blue Ray Indigos are Healers, Teachers and Energy Workers by nature. The Blue Ray is the Ray of Wisdom and Healing, and First Wave Blue Ray Indigos came here to assist with expanding the Heart Chakra of the Collective. This is why so many of them wear their “Heart on their Sleeve”, as the saying goes.

First Wave Blue Ray Indigos finally began “coming out of the Spiritual Closet” en masse in 2008; the year of the “Great Coming Together”. By that time many had finally healed sufficiently to begin feeling it was safe enough to expose their self to the world.

First Wave Blue Ray Indigos often have issues with tendencies of escapism because of the intense feelings of being so different and alone in this world. They often suffer with addictive tendencies and personalities; this is one of the largest contributing factors to the fact that the use of Sacred Drugs during the ‘60’s and ‘70’s turned into such a large issue of drug abuse.

Many First Wave Blue Ray Indigos suffer from conditions such as chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia. This is manifest from them constantly subconsciously transmuting energy for the planet and other people. The need for them to learn to do this work intentionally and consciously is imperative if they are to avoid creating physical ailments within their own bodies.

First Wave Blue Ray Indigos will often stay in dysfunctional relationships and situations because they “feel” like they are responsible for healing the other person, or persons involved; they have a very hard time telling other people no.

Indigos, those who came into the Earth plane on the Indigo Ray, have many of the same qualities as Blue Ray Indigos except they cannot and will not conform, at least not for very long, to standards set by society that go against what they “know” to be their truth. They are the Spiritual Generation known as the “System Busters”. They came here to change the world and they know it!

IN-Joy I Share

Blessings from All Realms of Creation

Essence Ka tha’ras

© 2015 Essence Ka tha’ras

Shambahalla-New Earth & The Metatronic Consciousness Energy Round

Please feel free to share this information, but only in its entirety, and with credit to the

Author – Essence Ka tha’ras

and please add a link back to this web-site….www.shambahallanewearth.com

Do We Have Any First Wave Blue Ray Indigos Out There?
January 15, 2014
In “2014”
Think On These Things
October 9, 2014
In “2014”
It’s A New Day… And I’m Feeling Good… 2014 – 7 Frequency
January 1, 2014
In “2014”

First Steps

My Awakening to this Spiritual life, was sudden and complete. It wasn’t the start of my Spiritual Journey, that started before I was even born into this life.  It was the start of my learning-curve, of the knowledge of why I am here, in this life.  It was a choice offered to me by Mother Earth, a choice to go on a Journey with Spirit or to remain in my ‘normal’life and be, perhaps, fated to repeat it again!  This is the story of how it came about. How it occurred. For me, it’s important. Very important. A re-birth in many respects. The most intense thing I have ever experienced.
It’s a long tale, so grab a cuppa, settle in…….

I’ve been belly dancing for about 8 years now and most years I go to Bayar Bahram, Middle Eastern Dance and Music camp which is held at Bornhoffen in the beautiful Gold Coast Hinterland. It’s a PCYC camp, surrounded by mountains, set in a lush valley – it’s a beautiful piece of paradise. And it’s very close to Mother Earth. Ley lines maybe? Power. The feminine spirit energy in the camp is palpable.

At camp there is usually around 150 people who come together to celebrate the music, the dance, the songs and the great food of the Middle East. It is a community where the political tensions of the world are of no importance. For me, this camp shows how the world would be if love and not money was the driving force. People come from everywhere. People who traditionally war with each other, instead drum, dance and sing together. It’s a 5 day idyll.

Just behind the cabins is a meadow. It is the spiritual center of the camp. A place of beauty, peace, tranquility. Surrounded by mountains, fringed with trees, a place where the song of the birds joins in with the music of the people. A place of quiet celebration and contemplation.

Meditation was not something I consciously chose to do before my Awakening. I’d occasionally sit by the ocean, or a lake; under a tree or in my garden and relax, not realising I probably was falling into a meditative state. But when I went to camp, the meadow was one of my first places to go to. To just sit quietly, observe the view, breathe in the peace. Put my world, my life, into a place of serenity.

Last year was no different. My friends and I unpacked and settled into our cabin and in the early evening I wandered off to the meadow. I fell into a very serene mood, accepting of the beauty. My life was in a state of intense turmoil and my stress levels had been through the roof. It was good to be able to put that to one side.

Most of my life I have seen coloured lights. Swirls of colour that flow in towards me before moving off and the next swirl to appear. As a child I was frightened of these coloured lights that appeared whenever I closed my eyes. At one time I worried that they were because I had some terrible illness. I had learned not to talk about them and over time I have grown to accept them. They are just a part of me.

As I sat in the meadow, my coloured lights swirled towards me but this time they didn’t move off. They coalesced together and formed into a turtle. A black turtle with eight legs! I was fascinated. This had never happened before. I wasn’t in the least bit worried or anxious. In fact, I would say that my biggest emotion at that time was simply acceptance. Wow. A turtle. With eight legs.

As I watched, the turtle started to change. It started to expand, a hole forming in the center. The eight legs, the head and the tail turned into ten dancers. They were holding hands, dancing in a circle. It was fascinating and beautiful.

I don’t remember how the vision ended. Or waking from my meditation, but I do remember going to find my friend, Robyn, who has experience with ‘spooky stuff’ and telling her about this. She told me that Turtle is a Spirit Animal and represents Mother Earth. I was so excited.

(Some weeks later, I met a Shaman. When I spoke with him about this vision, he told me that Turtle also represents choices. At that time Mother Earth was giving me a final choice to accept her. Or to continue with my normal life).

Obviously I had chosen to accept. Over the next few days of camp, more choices were given to me and all these culminated 5 days later in an amazing experience – my Spiritual Awakening.

Camp was, as usual, amazing. A glorious experience of music, laughter, dancing, song, friendship and more. I don’t sing, can’t get past basic stuff in drumming and can’t play any other instrument so I normally focus only on dance. But this camp was different for me. The morning following my Turtle visitation found me heading not to the dance class I’d originally intended to participate in, but to a drumming session! Or more specifically a female percussion group.

The teacher, Karen, is a lovely lady I’ve met at camp in the past and this year she wanted to build a female group of percussionists who were to explore the Trance rhythms of Sufi and Zar. Sufi I’d heard of, but Zar was totally new to me. As I entered the room I saw, in the center, a big drum. Huge. And I became very excited at the thought of maybe playing it but I didn’t think I’d get much chance…..remember, I just can’t get beyond beginner level with a drum!

I started on my Darbuka drum, messed about with a frame drum but then ended up clapping along to the rhythms. Once we mastered the basic rhythms Karen set about building us into percussion sections. And I got to grab the big drum! Yay! Once I’d got hold of it, I wasn’t about let anyone take it off me. I would have fought for the right to use this drum. But it didn’t get that far. I’m pretty sure Karen saw how intensely I wanted to play it, and it was mine for the duration of camp.

Each time I played this ‘Mother Drum’ I removed my shoes and unknowingly grounded myself. I became totally lost in the experience. Each rehearsal became more intense. Until the final full day of camp. We had a rehearsal first thing in the morning. Then we were joining a Zar workshop where we were to play the Zar rhythms for dancers to participate, and finally we were going to perform that evening in the camp concert.

The early rehearsal was amazing. Shoes off, I became totally lost in the drumming. Deep inside myself, feeling the beat in my very soul. At the Zar workshop, the teacher, Päivi, first taught us what the Zar is. It’s history. Then we began to drum. Some of the dancers totally lost it and were very much under the influence of the music. And so was I. I completely left my body. I could feel it, see it, watch it beating the drum. Raising the tempo. I was ecstatic. Literally. I’ve no idea how long we played but slowly I came back to me. Breathless, a little confused. Not quite with it.
The afternoon was spent practicing Dabke which I was also performing. Dabke is a form of line dance and is often performed by dancers holding hands and moving in a spiral pattern…..another symbol for Mother Earth of course!

By the time the evening came around I was still a little off kilter, as if the world was canted. Muted, foggy. Very weird. I found myself almost cocooned, as if I were in a bubble although I don’t think my friends noticed anything. My two sets, drumming and Dabke were programmed as the last two sets of the evening. All I really wanted to do was go to sleep. I don’t think I had eaten or drunk all day, unintentionally fasting. Food and drink just hadn’t crossed my mind!

So by the time the drumming set was due on stage I was very tired, probably dehydrated, adrenaline flowing and just a tad spaced out. On stage I was in the center of the group and the plan was to start with Sufi rhythms and then move on to Zar. The whole set was only about 4 minutes. A friend captured the performance on tape and it’s easy to see that I was confused.

We had practiced the Sufi rhythms and I totally knew them, but for some reason I just couldn’t play them! In the video you can see me touching the drum with the beaters, but not really knowing what to do. So unlike me! It was as if I was being driven not to play that rhythm! My foggy brain just shut down. Very confusing.

And then we moved into Zar. I was on that stage, a part of the performance, for the first beat of the drum only and then I was lost. Absolutely tranced. Päivi was dancing and I was later told that she too was right out of it with me. Poor Karen wasn’t able to stop the set because she knew the dangers of bringing someone out of trance too abruptly, and so we continued. And continued. About 8 minutes I believe. I started to return to me by seeing Karen standing in front of me counting the beats, and I watched her as if she were a life raft, slowly returning and finally bringing the set to an end.

I needed to escape, but I had another performance set – dancing Dabke! I have no recollection of dancing, although I have seen a video of it, so I know that I was up there, on stage, performing. Not very well I have to say – I was as confused as hell!
As soon as I could, I ran out of the hall and took myself off to the meadow. All I remember of that exit was a very strong need to lie on the ground.

It was raining. It was raining hard. A small part of me recognised that and as I went into the meadow I headed towards a group of rocks thinking that they wouldn’t be muddy. But the strangest thing happened as I climbed onto them – I was thrown off. At first I couldn’t believe it. I must be going mad. Rocks don’t throw you off. So I climbed up again, or rather I tried. It was very definite this time. NO! And I was thrown right off landing on my butt! My mind was obviously very open at this point because I decided that I was being told in no uncertain way that I needed contact with the grass. So that’s what I did. I sat in the muddy grass in the rain and accepted.

I have never, ever, had an experience so intense. I can’t tell you linearly what happened, because I’m not sure that there was “time” in whatever place I was. I know it was in the middle of the night, but the sun was shining. I know it was raining, but I didn’t feel the wet. It was cloudy, but the stars were all around. I know that I hurt. Everywhere. Every cell was torn to pieces and eventually put back. The pain was blissful. I know I tried to give birth through my mouth. I tried to eject all that was no longer necessary. I grew into the Earth. I cried. I watched the grass grow. I heard the Celestial Ohm. I saw the planet turning. I felt the life of the trees. I Became, with Gaia.

I have very little memory of what happened afterwards. A few mental ‘snapshots’. My friend Robyn had kept watch over me and when she knew I was coming back to this world, she came to me. I could barely walk and she helped me slowly climb back to our cabin. I remember her sending me for a shower. I remember her talking me through aligning my chakras and building protection around me. I remember yellow custard for some strange reason. I am totally blessed to have Robyn as a friend. A sister of my soul. Without her on that night, and in the weeks that followed I would have believed myself seriously ill. My first husband had died of a brain tumour, probably as a result of Chernobyl. I would have believed that was happening to me too if Robyn hadn’t been there.  A guiding light, mentor, teacher, friend, SiStar.

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